I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
