i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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