OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Randomize
