is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
