I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
