You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
All the doctor said was why
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize