to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
