There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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