my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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