I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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