Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
