Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(208): View more from Idaho

I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.

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(212): View more from New York

i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack

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(416): View more from Ontario

What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...

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(443): View more from Maryland

Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.

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(731): View more from Tennessee

What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?

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(716): View more from New York

We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.

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(618): View more from Illinois

If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.

(970): View more from Colorado

Why?

(618): View more from Illinois

They deliver.

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