Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
