the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
