at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
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