Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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