Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
