The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
