You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
