All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
