Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
