I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize