I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
