There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
