I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
