are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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