The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
