wakey wakey hands off snakey
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash