Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
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I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
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Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.