Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
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I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
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I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.