Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird