Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
