I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
