So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
