oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
