If i come over, it means nothing
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
