If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
