New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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