its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
