His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
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Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
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Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?