She's JV to your varsity
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
