You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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