dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing