I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.