Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog