Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Randomize
