You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Randomize
