So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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