Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
