Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
