Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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