Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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