i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
