And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
