walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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