You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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