my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
