Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
