So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
