No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
