I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Please don't give away my fajitas
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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