i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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