May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
