I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
