hotel room ftw
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
