My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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