Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
