im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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