Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
