life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
