I think I am morally bankrupt
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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