i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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