If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
