well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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