He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
