theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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