i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
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