I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
