Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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