Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
