if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
