Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
